Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
