phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
