She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
