Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
