I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
