I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Randomize
