I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
