Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
