I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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