so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
