I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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