If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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