Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Couch. On fire.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
