Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
