I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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