it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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