I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
