I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
