i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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