This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
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