I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
God, I missed his penis.
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