We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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