While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
what day is it and did you see me today?
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
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I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
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She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
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