Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
