Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
