GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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