I think im going to throw up on grandma
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
