I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
