I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
