i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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