i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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