he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
