Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
