tell your sister to shave her snatch
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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