what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
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