WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
