i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
How does it feel to date your dad?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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