Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
