i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
