even my farts smell like vagina
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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