Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
