My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
