Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
