She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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