She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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