I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
