That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
high people should be assigned attendants
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
