my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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