I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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