I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
