Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
