Heybabeimwearingurpanties
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
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