Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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