i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
