i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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