Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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