CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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