Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
