is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
