thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Randomize
