Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
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