My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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