Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
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