this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
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