i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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