I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
