Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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