I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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