That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
