he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
