You're completely useless in the revolution.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Randomize
