Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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