yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
